DEVELOPING PROACTIVE LISTENING SKILLS
Peter Drucker, the father of modern management theory, identifies "the willingness, ability, and self-discipline to listen" as one of the essential competencies of a great leader. In the same paragraph, however, he asserts that, "Anybody can do it. All you have to do is keep your mouth shut." ( 1)
We agree with Drucker's first assertion, but we take issue with the second. To excel in listening requires much more than just keeping one's mouth shut.
If you want your organization to excel, it must become great at proactive listening. Proactive listening is critically important for great customer relations. It is also essential to develop "co-intelligence" in the decision-making of your organization. Two of Stephen Covey's 7 Habits of Highly Effective People underscore these points. Habit #1: "Be Proactive." Habit #5: "Seek First to Understand . . . Then to be Understood." (2)
So what knowledge, skills, and attitude does it take to be a great proactive listener? Kela Associates provides experiential learning in our workshops and seminars in "Proactive Listening" and "Fostering Co-Intelligence" to help your organization excel at:
Listening Receptively for Content: trying to understand deeply what the other person means as well as what he/she says. In the Hawaiian language the same word -- "ho'olohe" -- means both to "listen" and "hear."
Listening for Emotional Package: paying attention to the speaker's tone of voice, word choices, volume, speed, and other verbal "signals" or "cues" of fear, excitement, anger, avoidance, denial, frustration, joy, sorrow, confusion, and the intensity or energy associated with these feelings. ("You have to listen to the song beneath the words.") (3)
Listening for Context and Underlying Intent: seeking to get beyond WHAT the other person is trying to communicate to WHY he/she is saying these things, what he/she is ultimately trying to accomplish.
Listening with Your Eyes: paying attention to the visual cues, the speaker's body language, his/her eye movements, the speaker's posture, and with whom and to what extent the speaker is making eye contact.
Allowing Silence and Processing Time: in the hurry to complete conversations, we often ignore the need for silence and time to process what we are hearing from others. One key to successful proactive listening is acknowledging the need for periodic silence and time to process and consider important ideas of others.
Stilling Your Brain/Judgments: in order to listen effectively to others, one can't be composing the next question, response, or judgment as others speak. It takes stilling your own mind and putting your thoughts and reactions on hold until you can hear out the others' messages and discern their points of view. ("Deep listening is miraculous for both listener and speaker. When someone receives us with open-hearted, non-judging, intensely interested listening, our spirits expand.") (4)
Listening for Co-Intelligence: this involves a number of elements; at the very least, it includes listening not from a "right-wrong" perspective, but instead from a point-of-view perspective. The mindset is to affirmatively seeking the wisdom, the added facts or nuances, the different language, and/or the complementary or alternative insights, viewpoints, or solutions that others bring. ("[I]n ho'oponpono [a Hawaiian family and group therapy system also used in resolving organizational disputes], everyone has the chance to talk while the others listen.") (5)
Asking Clarifying Questions: instead of argumentative ones. (A great listener "spends more time asking appropriate questions rather than giving answers or opinions.") (6)
Checking on Your Understanding: repeating the key points of what you have heard in your own words and checking with the speaker to see if your understanding is accurate and complete.
Listening with Self-Awareness: this entails being conscious of your own mental filters, perceptions, thoughts, reactions, and feelings, as you listen, without being distracted or losing connection with the speaker. Obviously, this is one that takes some practice! ("Listening also encompasses getting in touch with one's own inner voice, and seeking to understand what one's body, spirit, and mind are communicating.") (7)
To learn more about the Kela Associates' service offerings in the areas of "Developing Proactive Listening Skills" and "Building Co-Intelligence," please contact us by email, phone, or fax.
Notes on Proactive Listening:
1. Drucker, Managing the Nonprofit Organization: Principles and Practices.)
2. Covey, 7 Habits of Highly Effective People: Powerful Lessons in Personal Change.
3. Heifetz & Linsky, Leadership on the Line: Staying Alive through the Dangers of Leading.
4. Theole, http://en.thinkexist.com/quotations/listening/3.html.
5. Shook, Ho'oponopono.
6. Koslow, 365 Ways to Become a Millionaire (Without Being Born One).
7. Spears, Robert Greenleaf: The Power of Servant Leadership.